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Thread: A few smilers

  1. #1
    not real name 500 Club
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
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    Newport Pagnell
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    755

    A few smilers

    The Perplexed Postie

    One Monday morning the postman was riding through the neighbourhood on his usual route, delivering the mail.
    As he approached one of the homes, he noticed that both cars were still in the driveway.

    His wonder was cut short by the home owner coming out with a load of empty beer, wine
    and spirit bottles for the recycling bin.

    'Wow, looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night,' the postman commented.

    The home owner, in obvious pain, replied, 'Actually, we had it Saturday night. This is the first time I have felt like moving since 4:00 o'clock Sunday morning.
    We had about 15 couples from around the neighbourhood over for some weekend fun and it got a bit wild.
    We all got so drunk around midnight that we started playing WHO AM I?'

    The postman thought for a moment and said, 'How do you play WHO AM I?'

    'Well, all the guys go in the bedroom and come out one at a time covered with a sheet with only the 'family jewels' showing through a hole in the sheet.
    Then the women try to guess who it is..'

    The postman laughed and said, 'Sounds like fun, I'm sorry I missed it.'
    'Probably a good thing you did,' he responded, 'Your name came up seven times.

    Bear Removal

    A man wakes up one morning in Alaska to find a bear on his roof. He looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Bear Removers."

    He calls the number and the bear remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes.

    The bear remover arrives and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull.

    "What are you going to do," the home-owner asks?

    "I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go up there and knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat. When the bear falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go. The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van."

    He hands the shotgun to the home-owner.

    "What's the shotgun for?" asks the home-owner.

    "If the bear knocks me off the roof - shoot the dog."

    Over the hill ain't under it.

    The banker saw his old friend Tom, an eighty-year old rancher, in town.

    Tom had lost his wife a year or so before and rumour had it that he was marrying a 'mail order' bride.

    Being a good friend, the banker asked Tom if the rumour was true.

    Tom assured him that it was. The banker then asked Tom the age of his new bride to be.

    Tom proudly said, 'She'll be twenty-one in November.'

    Now the banker, being the wise man that he was, could see that the sexual appetite of a young woman could not be satisfied by an eighty-year- old man.

    Wanting his old friend's remaining years to be happy the banker tactfully suggested that Tom should consider getting a hired hand to help him out on the ranch, knowing nature would take its own course.

    Tom thought this was a good idea and said he would look for one that afternoon.

    About four months later, the banker ran into Tom in town again.

    'How's the new wife?', asked the banker.

    Tom proudly said, 'Good - she's pregnant.'

    The banker, happy that his sage advice had worked out, continued, 'And how's the hired hand?'

    Tom said, 'She's pregnant too.'

    Don't ever underestimate older guys .
    [u][b]

  2. #2

    A few smilers

    Well done Ted, bout time we had some laughter.

    TV

  3. #3
    not real name 500 Club
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Newport Pagnell
    Posts
    755

    A few smilers

    I thought so too Terry. Here's another one......

    An older gentleman had an appointment to see the urologist who shared offices with several other doctors.
    The waiting room was filled with patients..

    As he approached the receptionist's desk, he noticed that the receptionist was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler. He gave her his name.

    In a very loud voice, the receptionist said,"YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE;YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?"

    All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at the very embarrassed man.

    He recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied,'NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS.'

    The room erupted in applause

    DON'T MESS WITH OLD FOLKS.

  4. #4
    Senior Member 100 Club
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Location
    Inside Old Buck ATZ
    Posts
    141

    A few smilers

    Another of the same ilk....

    A member of the clergy arrives at a hotel for a conference with a large number of his colleagues, many of whom are in the lobby.
    He approaches the reception desk, gives his name and is issued a room key.
    In a load voice, clearly intended to be heard by all those in the lobby, he says "I TRUST THE PORN CHANNEL IN MY ROOM IS DISABLED".
    The lobby falls almost silent and the receptionist replies in a calm voice, but now audible to all "No, it's just regular porn. The 'special' channels are extra".

  5. #5
    Senior Member 500 Club
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Location
    Dorset or Mayenne
    Posts
    945

    A few smilers

    Aah! that's better!

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